a test of patience, among other things

God tested my patience this weekend, and I can safely say that I failed miserably.
a word to the wise: lack of sleep can make an otherwise annoying situation incredibly stressful (that is of course in addition to being annoying)

When I pray, which I would love to say is daily, I often ask that I learn from my mistakes and the mistakes of others. I see the mold my surroundings want to force me into, the traits of my predecessors taking root in myself, and I cringe at the thought that I will be a mirror image (or worse, a collage) of my parents' worst selves. The unneeded hurt and frustration that certain attitudes and careless words can cause is just too much for an emotional individual like myself. There was a time not too long ago that I would've said I had ceased to be emotional, when in fact I would allow nothing and no one close enough to affect me. Now I am back to being affected by everything except the one thing that matters most - my relationship with God.

I think I'd like to find a "happy" medium in which I could feel, but not necessarily allow every little frustration, hurt, and heartache to throw me into a tailspin. Of course, the only way I will get to that point is by focusing not on myself, or others, or circumstances, but on the One and Only constant in life - God. If I could convince my heart (my head already knows it) to believe that He is in control, and He is good, and He has a plan, and I am daily in that plan...I think I could get by without letting my family put me in a bad mood and without crying myself to sleep because of a lost hope.

Keep chasing me God! I need you.